You Always Die
by Trinity23Rose
Summary: My take on 1x16 and dr. Wells' words to Barry: How many people could die if your mother lived?


My take on 1x16 and dr. Wells' words to Barry: How many people could die if your mother lived?

* * *

Dr. Wells didn't like this at all. In fact, he hated what Barry Allen had done, yet it wasn't like he could hold it against him since it was an accident, one bound to happen sooner or later when it came to speedsters. He knew that by telling the boy off he was basically making himself into a hypocrite, but in the same time it wasn't as though anyone was even aware of the fact. It was his own closely guarded secret and one that no one was privy to.

"So you're saying I should've let captain Singh get hurt, the city get flooded and Joe…" Barry started enumerating, but Wells interrupted him right then and there, informing of the potential disastrous consequences of time travel when idly asking what if he came back not a day but actual _years_?

"All I'm saying is how many people could die if your mother lived," he then added when Barry proceeded to reminding of his discovery that he'd been present in the past during the night of his mother's murder, the DNA found belonging to his adult self.

In that very moment, as though somehow sensing the perfect timing – or maybe it was just a cruel twist of fate - Caitlin came in.

He was relieved to see her alive and well, he was, but he still needed to make sure…

* * *

"Gideon, show me the future," Harrison asked his AI when in time vault, his stomach a tight knot, his heart pounding. After _everything_ he'd done, this couldn't end like this, not when he finally found the one timeline in which everything went according to the plan.

"The future remains unchanged, dr. Wells," he heard and immediately breathed out in relief.

Only then, something even more horrifying happened because Gideon came to life once more, saying, "Good day, dr. Snow."

For a moment, everything stood still and Harrison froze, not able to move, just standing there as though he suddenly turned into a statue. _Standing_! Screamed his brain. He couldn't believe this. All this time he'd been worried about Allen screwing up and he ended up doing it himself! Out of all the future scenarios, the one in which Caitlin actually stumbled upon his secret room did not cross his mind. _Ever_. And he couldn't even risk running back to fix this slip up because… _No,_ he couldn't, _wouldn't_ travel back in time ever again, because it'd cost him too much to get to this point.

Finally, after what seemed like a whole eternity to him, he turned around, his hands fisting as he saw the shocked and what was the worst – hurt and devastated – look on her face. There were tears already welling up in her eyes and then she shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together as she turned to the exit.

"Wait!" he yelled and before she knew it, he was standing right in front of her, preventing her from leaving, having just used his speed and revealing not only his ability to walk to her but also his powers.

Now she was beyond shocked. She seemed speechless and actually started to shake.

"Caitlin," he said her name and his heart was shattered to millions of pieces when he heard her cry out.

"You… you…" eventually, she was able to get as much out before she looked aside, her hand wandering up to cover her mouth. The look of betrayal he spotted crossing over her features was even worse than everything that he'd seen there so far.

"Caitlin, _please_ , I need to explain…" he started, his voice growing desperate and he was never desperate! Well, at least not in front of his team or her. They hadn't seen him before, they hadn't known or seen _anything_ yet.

"You are _him_!" she called out to him with reproach. "You're the Reverse Flash! You killed…"

" _Please_ ," he cut in, bringing his hands up and placing them on her shoulders. She recoiled and made a step back which was just like another knife sinking into his heart. "Caitlin…"

"How…? How could I…? Oh, my God!" she exclaimed when turning around and placing her hands over her face. "How could I be so stupid?!" She faced him again, anger taking over hurt and fear. "You used me!" She nearly poked him in the chest when screaming that at him. "How could you?! I trusted you! I… Harrison, I _loved_ you."

The past tense of that sentence simply killed him.

"Yes," he eventually admitted with a nod. "Yes, I am and I did that, but you have to know why."

"Why?! You're a murderer and a liar either way!"

"Then why aren't you dead already?" he just asked her, choosing a different strategy and it worked. She seemed taken aback and stopped talking for a moment.

"What?" she eventually asked in a quiet voice.

"If I am all those things, why didn't I kill you already?"

"I don't know! Who knows how a psychopathic murderer thinks?!"

"Really, Caitlin? That hurt."

"Maybe you do care for me in some twisted way, but…"

"No. It's not twisted. I care about you in _every way_ ," he emphasized, locking his radiant blue eyes with hers hazels and making his way to her.

She began backing out until she found herself against the wall with no room to run. He hated the fear he saw reflected in her pupils.

"Caitlin, I am going to tell you the truth," he said slowly. "What you do with it once it's out, it's up to you. Yes, I did kill Barry's mother, but it was the only way."

"The only way to _what_?!"

"To keep _you_ alive," he answered and there was sudden silence during which they just eyed each other.

She didn't understand any of it, just now staring at him, not able to process that information.

"I've already lived through hundreds of futures, Caitlin," he began telling her as he realized she wouldn't interrupt him now. "Yes, I am a speedster and yes, I crossed paths with the Flash in the future and we didn't exactly like each other, but I wasn't a bad guy then. I did do every mistake he's making right now, though. I traveled to the past. And I met _you_."

She frowned on hearing that, her breath hitched, her heart pounding, thoughts speeding as though she was a speedster herself.

"I have already lived through about a hundred of different futures and in every single one you died," he revealed in a broken voice. He reached to his glasses and took it off for a moment, maybe just to occupy his shaky hands with something and to not have to look into those gorgeous eyes of hers. "We always find each other. _Always_. It's always the same story with me and you falling for one another, but you also always die."

"I'm not dead now," she was finally able to speak, her voice hoarse and not sounding like hers at all.

"Because I discovered that the only way to keep you alive was to kill Barry's mother," Harrison revealed. "I am sorry, but that's a fact. It's a butterfly effect, you alter the past, you end up messing things up. You try to fix it, you end up destroying it even further. I couldn't let you die. Not again. So yes, I did kill Nora Allen. And I would do it again just to keep _you."_

She was just standing there, staring at him, her eyes still teary and she was also still so, so beautiful that his heart truly ached for her. Most importantly, he was terrified. He was terrified that there truly might not be a timeline for them. That they might never get their happy ending, that he was doomed to lose her one way or the other. She might not be dying now, but she would surely walk away.

"What would you do if you were me? If you loved someone so much that you couldn't even breathe without them, that losing them took away a piece of you every single time? I died with you _every single damn time_ , Caitlin. I can't do this anymore. And I can't lose you."

There was a strangled choke getting out of her throat and he couldn't help himself anymore. They were always attracting each other like moths were attracted to flame, so he swept her into his arms and breathed out in relief when instead of pushing him away, she clang to him.

"I don't… I don't even know… I don't know what to do, Harrison," she admitted, weeping in his arms.

"Stay," he found himself beg. "Please, just _stay_."


End file.
